Relationships: How To Stop Being Overly Jealous

Do you find yourself getting nagging feelings of jealousy when your partner is talking to other girls?

Do you worry that you’re smothering the relationship with your fears? To stop being an overly-jealous girlfriend and start being a dream girl, follow these instructions.

1. Give your partner space

If you’ve been dogging his footsteps, confronting him with accusations, stalking his social media profiles, or exhibiting any other desperate behavior, your first order of business is to back off. Take a few deep breaths, detach, and play it cool for a while.

Find opportunities to be with friends, go to an event you’ve been interested in, and turn him down for at least one get-together.

Be very careful not to act vindictive about this, the point isn’t to punish him, give him the cold shoulder, or manipulate him into begging for forgiveness, but to give the both of you a break so you can blow off a little steam, get some perspective, and hopefully save the relationship.

2. Learn to feel good about yourself

Most feelings of jealousy come from being insecure and thinking that someone else can make your partner happier or bring more to the table. Remember that your partner chose you, not anyone else.

Stop obsessing over your weight, height, or looks, your constant negativity is draining for you and your partner both. Worse yet, an overactive attitude of insecurity can drive people away, become a self-fulfilling prophecy that drives you deeper into the hole of fear and self-neglect.

Accept yourself as you are. Your partner is with you for a reason and obviously finds you attractive, but even if he weren’t and didn’t, you should never let anyone else’s opinion define or validate yours.

3. Deal with past hurts

Most people have them – and many let them spill over into new relationships by either re-enacting the same unhealthy dynamic over and over again or by looking at their wonderful new partners with a skeptical eye.

If necessary, learn how to cope with emotional pain so that you can feel better about yourself and be able to see your current relationship for what it really is.

4. Learn what it means to have a healthy relationship

Whether you’re new to the game or have been at it for years, it’s not always easy to know what a relationship is supposed to be and feel like. Many people don’t grow up with good examples of healthy relationships among their friends, family, or even parents.

What’s worse, having one awful relationship can completely throw off your sense of balance and self-trust, making you second-guess your every move for years to follow.

5. Reassess your current relationship

Once you’ve done some soul-searching and have a clearer perspective on things, it’s time to look at your relationship with a fresh eye.

Do your jealousy, doubt, and fear stem from your own issues with self-worth… or is that something you’ve been telling yourself to justify your partner’s unsatisfactory behavior?

Even if you haven’t been as stable a girlfriend as you should be, that doesn’t mean you should overlook or write off your partner’s transgressions to over-correct for your own feelings of guilt.

It’s always possible that your out-of-control feelings were the result of trying to suppress your own gut instincts – or, at the very least, that you both have played a hand in making the relationship what it is today.

6. Breathe new life into the relationship

Before you can do any in-depth work on yourself or as a couple, you need to do damage control on your strained relationship. Start by striking a healthy balance between giving your partner space and increasing the quality of your time together.

Pursue your own interests in a meaningful, enriching way: after all, part of what attracts people to one another is mystery, and if you spend all your time checking in on your partner with calls, texts, emails, and Facebook posts, there can hardly be any intrigue left in what you do.

Split your time more evenly between your partner and your friends and allow your partner to do the same. Rediscover your interest in a former passion or, if necessary, find a new hobby that will make your non-romantic time more meaningful.

Then, when you have both remembered what it’s like to miss one another, improve your time together by going on a vacation or staycation, trying something new like taking a partner dance class, or lightening the mood by being playful and maintaining the romance.

7. Build your communication

This is something the two of you both need to work on together; many relationship woes could be cured, if not avoided altogether, if couples simply learned how to truly and effectively communicate with one another. A big part of communicating effectively is knowing how to broach an unpleasant topic without putting your partner on the defensive (or, worse yet, the offensive).

Start by curbing your accusations: learn to state what you feel (ex. “I feel afraid when you stay out late and don’t tell me where you are or how long you’ll be there”) instead of what you fear (“I’m worried you’re cheating on me”), which can be come off like a slap in the face.

Be honest about your thoughts and concerns while you’re having them instead of stockpiling them for later and letting them explode one day out of the blue.

8. Learn to trust

Trust issues can make you go crazy. Ask yourself who it is you really mistrust: your partner, your partner’s friends… or yourself?

Coming to the realization that you still don’t trust yourself in love or that you’re simply threatened by other girls is a good thing, both stem from the same issue, can be worked on, and are totally within your control. Learn how to trust your partner again for his and your sake both.

He didn’t text you back? Big deal. Obsessing over things like this will only come across as annoying; if you are laid back and don’t expect instantaneous replies to everything, etc, he will not get irritated.

Don’t call him to see if he’s still there – take a deep breath and let it go. He will reply when he can.

Don’t ask him to stop going certain places. Part of jealousy is the desire to control others, and by giving him freedom, you show that you trust him and make him more likely to respect you.

Don’t write a blank check of trust. If you are genuinely concerned about something, do not be afraid to (gently) broach the topic.

Mention that it makes you feel uncomfortable when he talks to certain girls, or tell him honestly about a behavior he has that bothers you. Don’t overreact or make accusations. Simply state how you feel and, if he respects that, he will try to work it out.

If your partner simply isn’t trustworthy, it’s his turn to roll up his sleeves and match some of the hard work you’ve been putting into the relationship. If he can’t or won’t do it, dump him and start looking for someone who will.

9. Be an awesome girlfriend

Okay, so you’ve managed to salvage the relationship and heal the damage that has been done. Focus on being positive and making the relationship work. The right type of relationship needs communication, trust and prayer.

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5 Things People Are Afraid to Tell You About Getting Married

You’re engaged. One-hundred-and-thirty-one likes and 21 Facebook comments later, everyone has built you up to believe that you are about to embark on the most magical, exciting time of your life. How did you get so lucky? Man, people should be really jealous of you.

Cut to three months later.
You’re beginning to realize this process isn’t all its chalked up to be. You start scrolling through your iPhone to find people you can vent to. You are dealing with divorced parents and money issues, and somehow the 131 people on Facebook have all disappeared. No one is answering… which leads me to the first thing people are afraid to tell you about getting married:
1. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do.
I know it’s harsh, but if you can wrap your head around this little factoid from the beginning you will be better prepared for some letdowns to come.
You are the only person who is constantly thinking about your wedding. Everyone else has their own lives to worry about. They have jobs, families, and work as well. So while the wedding is at the forefront of your mind, it’s in the back of theirs.
Expect to be let down, for people to not call you back, or to not show up when they say they will. If you go in with this mindset, the letdowns won’t feel so major. You’ll realize it’s not you, it’s just the nature of the beast. They have lives too. And you can’t fault them for that — which leads me to…
2. Being a bride doesn’t give you the right to be a straight up biatch.
It’s like the world knows you are planning a wedding and really likes to kick you when you’re down. It’s easy to take your aggravation out on other people, but try not to.
It’s not just your day. It’s your fiancé’s day too. And don’t forget your parents, friends, and family who’ve shelled out a lot of cash to be there and make this day possible.
So when you feel like you are about to snap, just picture a film crew around you and smile on the outside and cuss on the inside.
3. When it comes to money, check yourself before you wreck yourself.
First and foremost, before you make any plans, take a long hard look at the kind of person you are financially. Are you the type of person who is okay with spending your savings of the past year on a party? Or are you the type who will look back and wish you had put that money toward a house?

Be honest with yourself. Don’t be influenced by what other people say you should do or be pressured to have a wedding you don’t want to have. Go to the courthouse and take a once-in-a-lifetime trip instead. Be real and upfront with yourself from the beginning. You’ll be left without a major bill, and most importantly, regrets.
This is crucial to your mental and financial well being, even if it is derived from a rap song.
4. Everyone else is eating on your tab, so you probably should, too.
I hate when I hear brides say, “Well I didn’t really drink that much or have that much fun. I was too busy saying hello to everyone throughout the night.”
This is the one night of your life where you are given a gift to travel back in time and eat with all of your friends and family. Basically it’s like going back to college, which is the greatest gift one can ever give.
Take advantage of it. Be in the moment. Forget about the part where the cake didn’t turn out right and the napkins were peach and not rose. Have a drink. Let loose and have fun with your new husband. You guys set the tone. If you guys are having a blast, then everyone else is sure to have one as well. And lastly…
5. Don’t lose sight of what the whole shebang is about.
It’s easy to get caught up in the budgets, programs, and seating charts. But don’t forget what it’s all about. You’ve found someone to kick it with for the rest of your life. And that isn’t a simple feat.
Lots of people get caught up in the wedding, which lasts a day, and not the marriage, which lasts a lifetime. Even though every other person on Facebook is posting pictures of weddings and babies, don’t get caught up in the hype. And most importantly, never settle. This isn’t something to enter into lightly.
But if you think you’re ready to take the leap, then do it. Drink, dance your a*s off, and pause for three seconds that night to just take everything in. Time can stop if you let it.